Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
