Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
