porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
