the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize