I think I won the penis lottery.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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