Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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