I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
