bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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