tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Holy sore nipples Batman
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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