Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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