She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
