I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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