Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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