I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize