what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
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