I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize