I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
