we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
