I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I got inside last night via doggy door
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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