My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
