just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
