Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Randomize
