Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
