I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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