I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I smell like Dick and happiness
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
