Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
