Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize