I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
