is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
