Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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