people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
