All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
