He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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