No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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