just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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