I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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