...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
