I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
