I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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