Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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