Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
