I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
