This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
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