Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he was CRYING into my vagina
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
