he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize