I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
