You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
