So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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