it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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