You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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