your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
