your room smells of hookers.
And success
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
