perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
