Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
