i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
