Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I wish I only lived at night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
