3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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