My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
