it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
