Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize