I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
