is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Found the puke drawer
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize