so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
