$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize