guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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