All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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