It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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