Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
where am i from again
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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