I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
