This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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