My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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