i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
