mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
