All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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