We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
