My hair reeks of homosexuality.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
