Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so explain again why im purple
no
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
