It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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