we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
