I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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