none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I looked at my own cervix.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
