So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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