I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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