please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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