Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
