I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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