so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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