The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
