i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
