I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
