I accidentally burped into my bong.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
