I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
