I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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