if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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