the new term for farting is butt boxing.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
