You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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