Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize