yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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